once upon a history.

2010-06-23T12:35:00.002+08:00

visit my tumblr.

http://www.helenayziqo.tumblr.com/

2010-04-19T23:15:00.001+08:00

i see your face dude

i get angry

i guess i dun wanna see your face animore in school

because, ure acts are more worser than a satan.

H.Z

2010-03-01T01:08:00.003+08:00

pictures tell it all. fcuk me veri much now & forever.

dear hanie helenay u have been fooled

but yourself. tank you me.

OMG.

2010-03-01T00:53:00.001+08:00

i miss rookie

URGH!

one & two

2010-02-28T03:15:00.002+08:00

2 words that i hate much.
assuming & accusing.
doesnt mean i dun explain much bout certain tings,you can jolly well do these 2 things.
u might wanna say u dun assume & accuse
but without realising it, ure doinng it.

no, i cant stay mad fer you till zillion years
but yes, i am mad now
& please stop comparing me with other lowly bitches that uve met before
bcause im NOT one of them
& that means, i wont do things they do
but everytime again, u will start accusing & assuming

not texting is like a major permanent irritant
im not used to it but i have to somehow
& suprisingly, nobody texting me when i was at werk
which ive realise i never did text much if u werent around

& this is haunting me badly.
haha. reall bad.
whatever lah.

zZzZZ

2010-02-22T02:25:00.003+08:00

going to sleep, bcause hes alreadi asleep

& ive never met sumone so serius

& sumone who wuld forgive me

by setting jokes

right after a moment of delicate silence.

by saying, "eyy. please uh. stop it with the innocent face"

& laugh!

rookie is damnly loved lah please.

im loving it. woots.

arghhh!

2010-02-19T01:24:00.003+08:00

hate how much i love you boy.

i cant stand how much i miss you.

beatiful eyes, pinch-able nose, necklace

& im a random scuker for now.

thank you

zig ziiqo rook rookie

2010-02-10T12:14:00.004+08:00

& on the very date today, i was hit by zillions of thunders plus lightings of emotions

wrong wrong day

wrong day to wake up earli in the morning & feel something is just absolutely not right

i think i cried in my sleep

or maybe something so scary & humoooongous was chasing after me in my dreams

fcuk it, i dunno how to describe this feeling

one about memories

two about mummy

third about life & what is happening in between of life & death

complications is the word describing whole situation

& another word will be late

i mean two words, too late

fcuk it again

dweebs lies.

rredbull rookies

2010-02-03T11:32:00.004+08:00

smiling & enjoying life

fcuk it with everybody who destroys my life

bcause ive succed in this torture similiarly to hell

& ive met someone wrong, to find someone just right.

HAtred

2010-01-28T10:45:00.003+08:00

i hate my mom's attitude

i hate for eating too much

i hate WAN

i hate HAKIM OLE !

i hate you if you hate me

but i love me.

fcuker

2009-12-24T01:26:00.003+08:00

people like you, dun deserve to live in this earth

& from yesterdae, i dun give a fcuk abt ur fcuked up life

bcause ure just a piece of shit

delete watever u want tats regarding me

& go back to ur lovely ex gf, fcuker

i dun need sumone like you in my life now

masalah yg ader kaitan dgn kau, aku tk perlu dlm hidup aku

sumone who cant handle things maturely

or tink mature enough when ure already 20

is called a jerk

geddit?

im strong

& surely, i dun need people like you

in my happy werld

wtout you, i can still live my life to the fullest dude

2009-12-21T00:36:00.002+08:00

my tears can almost fill up the bucket
ill never blame you for what has happened
il blame these all to myself
bcause i love you.
too much

im compromising
& just trying so hard to impress you
to win your heart back
but whatever hard work
& whatever pain ive gone through
couldnt impress you at all

all the time
i feel like punching the wall
to hurt myself
to fracture my hands
bcause i knew i couldnt get hurt
as much as how it hurts inside
it isnt the end of the world
but leaving me would be the end of my life.

im begging & pleading
to give this chance to me
to improve myself.
im not perfect
no one is ever perfect

too many times you said
ive been only thinking bout myself
blaming others but not me
so now, when i took all the blame
where were you?
to see how much my ego dropped
just to be with you.

when you enjoyed urself
i was glad you were happy with whatever u did
but i wasnt that glad
because im not included
in "your 5 toplisted "what makes hazwan happy" category
im sorry if i ever felt this way
but this feelings has been haunting my nights

i felt the sacarsm
the message that you want to pass across
but ill just keep quiet
to show tt u ccan hurt me as much as you want
but ill still love you no matter what.

today's our monthsary
& ive confessed evrything i felt
& where were you again?
the one who loved me so much
Happy Monthsary. ily.

tis is hanie.

2009-12-13T02:31:00.002+08:00

& it feels way more alone on the inside nowdaes.

gorgeous sleep were often missing

can i hate myself even more?

i guess i should.

syg kau.

2009-12-08T14:49:00.002+08:00

my darling sent me this

thank you darl.

i love you so much lah.

we have been going through so much together

& i hope we will never get tired helping out each other aite?. :)

rough & tough

2009-12-07T12:48:00.001+08:00

from now on

this blogspot is officially

not for expressing my fcuking feeling

but its a only hapi2 dae sum up post.

bye.

stone-ing

2009-12-03T13:45:00.003+08:00

can we please stop it.

im tired of playing this game with you.

these fightings, what the hell are you thinking off??

What you said about you caring so much bout me

& tts the reason why you wuldnt allow me to take the bike practical

all of that were reasonbale

but not to the point whereby

you said u'll leave me if i have my license & my own bike

you noe how much i disgustingly hate it when sumone threaten me

& youre one of them

whatever u ask me not to do i listen

but can you please be supporting of me fer once?

have u ever thought how many hours we have spent quality time together?

alone & only the both of us

i can bet you

it will be less than 24 hrs.

it was always me , you and your frens.

& there was never "our time"

im not saying that you always stick with your friends

but we really need to spent out time

& that is for each other.

haiz

burst2

2009-11-27T23:26:00.007+08:00

im bursting with tears soon

i cant stand this pressure anymore

how can you possibly stand not msging or calling me at all

its not my fault fer this matter

it was yours.

ivee been making mistakes but this time, its really urs

how can you ferget bout your gf the whole dae

& how can you possibly doubt my love fer you

little things you do

you will never realise u have hurt me in some ways

i love you & i will never leave you

fer now i guess,

ure the one who's suppose to make the first move

i miss you fcuker. i really do

you cant enjoy any moment wtout me

because i cant without you.

yah yahh

2009-11-26T23:18:00.004+08:00

i stumble up0n this picture on one of my frends facebook.

well if its a little blur, just squeeze ur eyes as close to read.

the perfect guy.

the perfect thing.

im fighting with bf

& the feeling totally sucks

but ily noe matter what babe

haiya

2009-11-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

hanie helenay is sick

because she misses her bf.

two-two

2009-11-03T19:06:00.003+08:00

the two antidotes of my life: DEFINITELY mummy & boify.

& i swear i am deeply in love with mr boify here

tanx aunties for being a some sort backbone for our relationship

insya allah is the only word i can give for now

eeyy wait. i miss my boifren lah can. always busy werking one lor that guy.

but its okie, understandable

mummy said"DELETE IT! I LOOK OLD HERE!"

of which is so TRUE lah

so next time,like mummy say, please dun sit when you take picture wif boify okeh? hehe.

life is..

2009-11-01T00:29:00.003+08:00

for now, the most important & precious person in my life will be

1) mummy

2) BF

3)TR and friends

i dun care what you wanna say

i dun care whether u'll bad mouth bout me

but all that matter now, will be

these 3 pointers of my necessary people.
ps: happy people = GEMUK, wtf? im gaining tremendously giant fats.

vanished craving

2009-10-27T01:00:00.003+08:00

THANK YOU my lovely boyfren for buying the prawn cereal !

smiles of vanished cravings, hehe

& sorry to trouble you after work

my craving was worser than a pregnant woman

so again, thank you ALLAH

for giving me a such thoughtful boyffren who would entertain all my nonsense.

carrried awway

2009-10-26T02:42:00.003+08:00

ultimate target for today

not to sleep in class

to pay attention & to understand every single shit

not to use FB & especially tag during meetings

ive been craving for prawn cereal since ages ago. asking b.f to buy it later at changi magic wok. i so hope they are not closed & they sell this prawn cereal tingy there. my stupid b.f dun even noe whats prawn cereal is. HAHA to him lah. he thought it was those coco crunch cereal type. idiot. so please2 buy it fast can b? ily! :)

date noted

2009-10-23T00:06:00.003+08:00

i thank you, my god, for giving me a reason to smile from now on

i thank you also as for having a great mother to share stuff with

& you, yes you.

please dun hurt me

& i l y. :)211009

over-protected

2009-10-20T23:10:00.002+08:00

its not that im being too emotional
its not my intention to sulk
its just that sometimes, little things people do
eventhough its little but it sure does take some affection on the matter of heart
i dunno what is it, urrgghhh

"insanity is just s feww blocks away. dangerous.keep out."

anti fcuker

2009-10-14T23:45:00.003+08:00

i declare from today & forever, i HATE FCUKING BANGLAS!

damn pervertic physcotic moron

imagine youre somewhere at night, talking & lying down with your good friend

& suddenli tis one freaking idiotic black-black no brainer bangla

heads near to your place, lay down

& MASTURBATES

two werds, FREAKING CB!

it was a good thing hero smacks his forehead with the helmet

he should be tortured even more lorr

LETS HAUNT HIM DOWN THIS COMING FRIDAY B!

ps: when you fall, hope he'll pick you up. :) ily.

sayang sayang

2009-10-08T15:23:00.002+08:00

god dammit, im so sleepy in clas

next mission, GO HOME N JOLLY WELL SLEEP

been sleeping late due to the late night outs

but all of that was worth it after all. :)

happi happi hopefully pathetic hanie.

the reason

2009-10-07T12:56:00.003+08:00

reason for smile, that one i only knew

told mummy that this smile pops out after a few centuries long

hopes for no karma and history repeating

im falling deeply

& i hope tis wil be permanently

hero hero hero, multiplied my confidence

DONT

do not ever leave

im falling deeply

feelings n lyings.

2009-09-21T23:50:00.002+08:00

ive been having this weird feelings

which is as similar compared to that feelings i had

last year

the feeling whereby that someone will make you smilee

that same feeling whereby you do not know how to describe

& are these feelings called love?

i wonder.

mirror reflection

2009-09-10T01:46:00.003+08:00

&& in mine, i saw his eyes.

sister's instinct

2009-09-02T00:27:00.004+08:00

as sis step in my room, i showed her my blogspot with king's picture in it. the reason to it was to recap sister's mind about whether that's the girl she saw with king when she was working.well indeed it was. HAHA.

"if like that, den just forget it", that was what sister said to me. & i was wondering what the fcuking shit she was talking about. & my reply was "whatevver. i dunn care..."she came back in my room and said " r u sure?? dun u ever think u can lie to ur own sister"

i was still staring at my lappy & didnt dare to look at my sister's face. i could only afford to give a really huge & fake smile. she noes me too well i guess. & the part of which nearli cause my tears to drop is when she said "HE IS THE REASON WHY YOU ARE STILL NOT GOING INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP WANI.."i couldnt deny anything because her words were awesomely true. ur right sister. ur damn right.

holy month

2009-08-29T02:09:00.004+08:00

its been like after zillion years since i update.

reason to it:

1) busy with exams

2) blog post was going trhru some shitty error

I simply cant wait fer hari raya. so people, HAPPY BERPUASA-ING okie. dont be puasa y0k2 pagi2 bukak periuk, lama-lama jadi berok. BAH! I am trying my best to behave & do some good things in this month. First target is to start on the '5 compulsory routine to do'. i have been carrying around the book to start recaping on that '5 compulsory routine to do' but have not yet to open it. SUNDAY last okeh haniee? please open up the book.

this is a so a NEED to watch Radit love Jani fer those people who havent. damn bloody awesome movie. & ilove it when they say "aku sayang kamu bodoohhh" to each other.& after a few minutes of watching, i stumble upon this flashback which interlinks with RADIT's.

VINO G.BASTIAN

i dreamt about that flashback & cried the next minute i woke up the next day. the feeling was super shitty that till todae ive realised i never did move on in life since 2008. i am such a no-life person & particularly the word is definitely idiotic to wait fer a person till this long. Through that process, ive hurt alot of people & played with so many feelings. I am sorry. sincerely from your dear friend hanie. & i cant afford to lie & to hurt anione animore.

my secret's out.i guess his happiness is all that matters right? so jun, please do take care of him for me alright?' i guess the best person for him is you ,jun'. a message from a passerby stranger.i rememebered the day i woke up in the bus finding him sitting just infront of me. it was like as if it was a nightmare. & the journey to school, i was shivering & shivering. but im proud to say that i didnt cry.

ps: bike ferst prac is so freaking me out.

hur hur.

2009-08-13T14:52:00.007+08:00

evrything's getting way complicated in life

okayy, SO WHAT??

my bike prac was supposed to be today, 10 plus a.m

& i decide not to go

so, 25 bucks gone!

just like the wind, whooooshhh

fer now, ill just take my long rest from practicals

my bruises are killing me enough

so no more pracs until after hari raya i guess

I WANT MY BEAUTIFUL CLEAN LEGS BACK

so there's this news spreading bout art love & me

so ill just say.

ask art if u wanna noe. :)

fabulous fcuker

2009-08-07T09:32:00.003+08:00

someone's a pure sucker, i swear he is

& until f0rever i will never forgive you after wat u did

youre the animal

& nt the victim

get out from my sight, i dun wish to see you animore

youre better off dead

ive been living my life wthout you

& its damn bloody better dat way

im nt prepared fer all of this

but ill try my best

i didnt went werk yesterday because it was too tiring and my school ended quite late due to lab lesson. it dragged till 5 plus & by that time, everybody was almost dead. blah.blah.blah.i went to the police station at 11 plus pm with swollen eyes. no question left to be said. the game's over dude.i hate you & please get out as fast as you can. stupid bitch.

fcuking shit

2009-07-29T15:44:00.003+08:00

you are a hypocrite

a TOO MUCH of a music lover

a package of unreasonable excuses

& i HATE YOU

DAD! i so want you to hold on to your words

i will be freaking disappointed if you back out last minute

& i want a handsome bike!

PLEASE

2009-07-28T15:51:00.003+08:00

TARGET OF THE DAY :

1) BALANCE

2) MOVING + CHANGING OF GEARS

& im gona prove that ill pass.

ps: i so do not care about bruises & blood

credits: DADDY!

ohhhh.

2009-07-22T14:30:00.003+08:00

I QUIT THIS GAME

& I QUIT YOU!

im not a loos-er. i quit because ure a gone-er. asss.

enough of ur nonsensical behaviour.

TAPESTRY

2009-07-20T01:49:00.003+08:00

the feeling was jolly well damn sucky just now

that i nearly cried listening to the beats of the drums

it was 7 05 PM

& i rushed to taka just to watch you perform

but standing there

i felt that i was just like the normal passerby audience

it jolly well suck

when youve been wanting to meet sumone

fer the whole of your life

but when you already had that chance

you could only stare at him a distant away

playing his drums

without having the chance

to exchange smiles & say hi

& the only word ive been always hearing

from you was

SORRY

i rushed my way there

& regretted knowing the fact

that my time was jolly well wasted

not even a single word of 'meet' was there

fcuk, im too dissapointed in you mister
i give up.

fate or ambitious

2009-07-16T00:58:00.002+08:00

& do you believe in the word fate??

u should because i do

someone you should be in love with

is sumone whom you let go

& came back under any circumstances

someone who picks you up

is sumone who purposely let you fall

& picks you up at the near end

heh

2009-07-15T15:03:00.005+08:00

for this first time im declaring

I LOVE MUM & DAD

WAY TOO MUCH

they only acted out as if they dont care

but they do

it was super swit of them

to go to the clinic with me

& FINALLY having a complete, but not so complete, family "OUTING"

DAD was too nonsensical for me to describe it here

he was behaving so childish

& every of his action

catches every patient eyes

i could only laugh, smile

& COVER MY FACE TILL IT TURNNS RED

ps:PARENTS ARE TRUE DEFINITION OF LOVE

awesome ohh

2009-07-11T01:00:00.015+08:00

its been like ages since i updated! heh. ogay.. FIRSTLY i so wanna update about my bdae.it was superly awesome! i was so down when my TR & close gerlfrens and boifrens were too busy to spent time for me on my bdae. it was so sucky when you need to spent half of ur day in school during ur bdae & having no one to celebrate it with after that.

FOr that point of time, luckily faris & bob was free to celebrate my bdae. & clever faris was saying to me that he got some surprise plans fer me of which bob & i had no idea where faris was bringing us. & the pplan was fer me to get back home ferst to put my AWESOMELY heavy bag and laptop in the house.

JENG JENG JENG. when i drop off at the usual place to take my 38 bus, i saw hudha dropping off. when it dishearten me more when she said she was gona meeet her fren at pasir ris and was waiting fer bus 21 to get tere. it took me around 3 mins to realise that there WASNT ANY 21 BUS at that particular bus stop.n i suggested to hudha to take 81 from the oppo bus stop. so hudha n bobby waited fer my bus to arrive.

took the bus. n JENG JENG JENG. faris took the same bus as me as well. & was telling me to go back home ferst because he was going to the bank and meeting some of his frens in simei fer a while to settle up some problem. & blindly, i bought his story.

So walking back home passing through the oppo blk to get back home, they SCREAMED HAPPY BDAE WANI!n omfg.omfg. evryone was there..! WITH A CAKE N SOME PRESENTS. & I COULDNT WISH FER MORE THAN HAVING THEM THERE TO CELEBRATE MY BDAE WITH ME AFTER SCHOOL.

priceless shock face.HAHA

credits to fathin syafiqah for baking the delicious BDAE CAKE!

credits to BESTIE, AISYA MAZ'ALI, for planning bdae surprice.

sister turn up for a while after work
he was suppose to turn up, but didnt. haiya

after celebration the boys , FARIS & BOB, treat me to movies.

FREE POPCORN & NACHOS
& TRANSFORMERS

MEGAN FOX IS DAMN BLOODY HOT.

THANKS ALLAH FOR GIVING ME FAITHFUL FRIENDS

evriting's gona be alright

2009-07-01T23:33:00.011+08:00

gosh, i so dun wanna be sad animore

thank you ALLAH, for showering a little happiness

bdae is just in 2 daes time

OLD can wait fer me :)

my classmate celebrated my advance bdae with bridget

& the funny part was

i knew there was a surprise going on

but i didnt noe tt the surprise was fer me oso!

i shouted to my classmate, nicely

hehe

saying _ " nono! not fair. i dun wanna celebrate! tis is not a surprise!"

of which i ending up cutting the cake with bridget

THANK YOU W55A!

so today, while i was werking

i saw my one of my frens

from another ice cream shop

coming to thatt place

but the weird thing is that hes nt werking!

i sense someting fishy was going to happen

& i was right!

he paiseyy-ly went in my shop

he bought fer me oreo slice cheese cake

with a lit up candle

& i made a wish

hush hush hush hush, i blew the fire away.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MISTER AZELY LAR!

& 1st highlight of the day is : FIRST PAISEYY MOMENTS

this is so totally disgusting & funny & stupid

im sleeping in the train odw to work

& it was the ferst time i slept tat well in the train

& the next minute i knew, i was dropping something

i was a little DROOLING

omfg.

it was so humiliating.

i just hope no one saw the disgustin side of me lah!

hehehe.

& last highlight is: everything happen for a reason babe.

awesome part 2

2009-06-29T00:01:00.005+08:00

my bdae is coming up in a FEW DAYS??

OMFG

shits have been piling up

& my patience is realli gona burst soon

why is this so unfair

can i clear all this shitts before my bdae comes

i dun wanna get mad with anb0dy

& sorie if i did.

i just wanna have a sweet 18 fer myself.

& the thoought of not having the sweetest day of my life

is scaring me

i need you, yes you.

to be considerate

& find time fer me

before i get terribly sick.

thank yoou.

❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
yes no doubt it hurts
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
its ok to cry
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
its alright to feel hurt.
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
yes it takes time
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
but you have to remember that you dont have all the time in the world to fully get healed
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
aite dearie?
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
we get hurt --> we cry --> we reminisce --> we cry
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
one thing that we forget is that in between those arrows, we got stronger. we actually did move on. only to know that at times when we reminisce back, we THOUGHT that we can't get over him but actually we did.
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
if not, we wont be here chatting baby
❤BlackBeauty❤™ says:
(:

love you bestie

& ill try to repair myself by thursdae

good luck to me

n thank you bestie fer giving me the courage.

awesommee

2009-06-28T00:28:00.003+08:00

sumbody was suppose to turn up on friday, but that sumbody didnt

giving excuses that sumbody overslept

& i was obviously pissed off

having a huge heartache, feeling weak going back home

& the only word that sumbody can come about is sorry

or up to you

its so obvous that sumbody dont even bother to make it up to me

so,how awesome can this be?

sumbody enjoying sumbody's sentosa outing

& for me?

i really feel damn sucky.

ive been stuffing my stmach with huge amnt of chocolates

just to make me feel happy

get this in ur brainn

go awwwayy if ure just coming back to hurt sumone even more

im sick n tired with all your excuses

drummer boy.

JUBILANT :)

2009-06-24T22:34:00.003+08:00

im happy. really am. ive been smiling since yesterday. momma & sis have been pesturing me for answers on my smiles since yesterday. what i replied was, "senyum salah, nangis pon salah, den aper bolei buat nie??" HOHO. and yest nite afta moma went to slip, my sister came to me AGAIN askin me to explain.. making things simple, i end up explaining to her the stori when she was in the toilet.

Excitements in life doesnt last long so appreciate it when it comes. :)

dizzling hoT

2009-06-20T02:21:00.005+08:00

hot night weather is killing me constanstly. i want it to rain every single night pwetti please?

HOT inner system. im angry for alot of reason

1) due to the hotness in the bus when bestie told me something about someone,

took out my handphone

search under kept message

deletes 100 over plus messages

went to phone contact list

deletes off his number

2)went to this bloog & oooooo..HOTNESS came..

looks at the pic

remembers the past

he has a new girlfren, go fcuk ur nose mister

3) hotness of memories

feels like punching

punching

punching evrything

4) hotness of hair dryer

cleaning off dirt on white top at work

uses hair dryer

& hairdryer eats my hair

have to cut some parts of the hair

:( :(

OKAE. tats all i guess for now. shit. curse this week. i tink i got 4 daes of lab work..urgh. hate lab work.hate lab work.

school2

2009-06-14T23:16:00.003+08:00

arghh. shit.. school is so startingg tomorow. & i have lab lesson. so UN COOL. plus UT tomorow. BAHH. what can be worser than this. sheesh. can i have a month of holiday pwetti please. im too tired to go to school tomorow. n wow! sumbody pissed me off today really bad. WHATEVER lahh.

that person whom i tried to ignore came back in my dreams

& ps:DANGO MISSES

that straight heartache

2009-06-10T01:50:00.003+08:00

ive decided to live my own life

to leave

i will neva stop that particular sumone frem going away

i and you, i guess we are tooo way much different

i tried my best but it was a total failure

i believe that everything happens fer a reason

& tis goodbye, happens for a reasonn

i wll try my best not to remember

not to utter even the tiny-weeny tingss bout you

it was all plainly excuses to get rid of me

& ure done

u got ridd of me now

goodbye love

hapi bdae aisya!

2009-06-06T01:39:00.007+08:00

TO MY DEAREST BESTIE, AISYA MAZ'ALI

HAPPY 18TH BDAE.

& I LOVE YOU ALOT. :):)

today bdae surprise turn out damn well. although dey blame me fer the sucky planning. what happen just now was i brought aisya to p.r park & taraaa.. all my girlfriends and my closest boyfriends were there singing a happy bdae song to her. & her reaction was, "LIAR! U ALL LIED TO ME SAYING ALL OF U WERENT FREE!" haha. i could only smile and laugh to her. && THE AMAZING PART WAS -) my dearest frens sang me a song too."SHAFAWANI FCUK U. SHAWANI FCUK U!"because i came there kinda late.. wtf??hoho!

& i really hope my bestie enjoyed her 18 bdae & my present i gave to her..heee :):).

so before that, something terrible happen. i was sleeping really peacefully when sumbody went in my roon arnd 7 or 8 plus and hang alot of stupid clothes in my room. going in and out. the sound of the door banging irritate me for that moment. so after she finally went out, some bloody idiot went in my room again doing whatever thing & banging the fcuking door. & AGAIN, i was fcuking irritated. i swear at that i will get mad with the 3rd banging if it happens. of which.....AMAZINGLY!! it did.. & i was scolding HER for my lack of sleep and vigorously uttering stupid words to her. i actualli lock up the room. but she used the key to unlock the room back. urghh. cbcb. i cried on my bed while trying to force myself to go to sleep . & poof! when i woke up, my eyes were damn swollen. thanks family. tank you so much. * lucky it lessen when i met up with bestie.

so in conclusion, i am still pissed with the family. stupid2. & ive been missing this guy damn badly .a single msg can really calm me down for a while. i swear it will. haha. wonderfull wonderfull wonderful liffee i got. goshh. heart pain siao. but if u wanna go, den go. ill give u that space ferever & i will neva force you to stay. NEVER. :(

i got a bdae wish list!! & my bdae is so in A MONTH TIME

i want a gold CASIO watch

i want a huge2 bear

i want nike air max shoe

i want my closest TR, girlfriends, & boyfriends to be there

i want a cookies & cream chocolate brownie bdae cake

can can??

first & lasy

2009-06-04T00:24:00.002+08:00

#1- i hate it when i come to work and get lectured instead. shiit. & all of these is just because of my grooming. n especially my dry lips. nabeyy! like hello! i was born with these easily dry lips. u cant expect me to touch up all the time right. being a good customer bonded person and being well groomed is two TOTALLY different expections. you freakos either choose you want that pretty2 me or the good2 service me. URGH. & stop comparing me and my sister when im at work. its a totally wrong2 thing to say and expecting me to be like her is totalli NONO way.

#2 - i hate my life. hardcore i tell you. dammit. with financial breakdown.i cant stand the freaking mess animore. & all i ever ask for from my family is to pay my hp bills. but now, everyting i have to pay! wat great family i have. & dun blame me if i neva do any housework, i just am too tired. tis is toally bloody bloody unfair.My salary fer tis month is just not enough. & im dead meat. dead dead dead dead HANIE.

#3- i want to meet this one person badly. & i hope its before my bdae. gosh im getting older and i want to stay sweet 18 after that. always2 sweet 18... can can??

#4- i am a total FAILURE. geddit? F-A-I-L-U-R-E.

haiyak!

2009-05-31T23:56:00.004+08:00

gosh. im always fighting with him lah.. argh. rindu kamu.

BUSYY

2009-05-30T13:17:00.002+08:00

gosh. havent been updating blog fer a few days already. damn2 busy with school. so many test & i tink im so gona FAIL the ferst test. no hope.no hope. I SO NEED TO STUDY MORE ABOUT MOLESSSSS!! i curse that person who came up with that theory lah!

& now life is too complicated to describe. so yerp2. yest me n bestie cooked maggi goreng with egg and sausages. haha. it turn out nice nice nice. YUM2. oh yah, im so putting on weight lahh.. nabeyy. this is all because sumbody called me aneroxic the other day lahh. NABEY. i so need to go exercise one of these days. im being too lazzyyy. EXERCISE LAHH U HANIE!

can i have my drummer please?? he loves goin missing lahh. too busy with the art of music i guess. & totally ferget that i exist. SHEESH. good luck fer the performance tomorrow babe. arghhh. no comments no comments.

PS: SAFIAH. wheres our pics at fish n co. i want it noe. i want it now pweeti please..

DANGO

2009-05-22T23:04:00.005+08:00

in this dreadful night, i could feel something clinging on

this unexplainable words i could not lay out to become a complete sentence

that hidden sorrow i have never met has been haunting my days

stupidity & insanity for falling

i dont exist in that routine of that extra ordinary super human

that dream of that part of me, was not even appreciated

for what reason should i stay

promising my life to that whom was too busy

promising my life to that whom wilingly doesnt plan to meet

i love you but i refuse to stay

once upon hanie

2009-05-13T23:55:00.004+08:00

my brain, devastating. i dunno wats goin on. i cant differentiate whats wrong & right. ill bet, u cant handle this pressure if ure in my position. im dying in evri way & i wanna run away. run far2 away from singapore! i noe its safe here. but life here reali reali do damn sux.i wish to migrate & bring my momma along.

EWW. ive neva been this freaked out before. i went out with sumone whom stalks people. who made use of gerls. & i feel realli2 disgusteddd! YUCKSS! stupid pshyco. ewwww. i wish i never did went to escape. aidaa, hes a phsyco. i swear he is. & tanx to my classmate, ZEE, i knew the most important facts about him. gosh, ure my saviour ZEE! thank you veri2 much.

one of the daes in RP, i saw him. ahha. him.the one in blur shirt standing beside the bubble tea shop. i dunno if he's looking. but i notice him far way ahead. good luck in your life okae. :)

for asy, i guess hes gone. he didnt call. didnt sms. didnt repli my msgs. okae. i have enough of this. composing a song was ubberly sweet. but disappearing, isnt. & on top is just one of the random pics i saw with u in it. i swear, iMY ALOT.

met up with GP the other day. its been a loong2 time since we did some gathering session. haha. those memories we had. some were just pain in the arse. & some, were simply joyful!

good daes bad daes

2009-05-10T01:17:00.005+08:00

sumone has been MIA since last tuesdae n i wonder when is she returning home
called her up on friday to ask about baking flour

& she scolded me fer not searching fer her
hah. im just sick n tired to resist her nonsense of running away from the facts of life

REDBULL is damn necessary to start a hectic day

my class was full of redbull

& we wondered whats with the shag faces

when its only WEDNESDAY

went to bake cupcakes on friday

at besties house

OOOOOooooOOooooOO

im such a good baker.

haha. joking only LAH.
but the cupcakes turn out pretty well

& its EDIBLE
we should bake more cakes okae bestie!!

HAPI BDAE SAFIAH.
& i neva did ferget ur bdae date

may ur wishes come true

& may u find the right one in ur life.

i know you will find ur happiness

now or laterr in life, im sure
one step closer to death.

SO, today i went to escape theme park with bro in law & sis & nephews

we had so much FUN

i never did regret following them today

& i make one new fren names ZUHAYR

hes a fren of aida.

& i so love to drive the 'racing car' just now

cant wait to take my bike license!

ill update the pics soon aites.

& i saw sumone in FISH n CO

mohd syahren. :)

babyy

2009-05-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

mister drummer, my ASY. get well soon babe. & pwetti please dun sleep too much. its gona worsen ur condition. & remember to take ur medicine. i just recovered from my sickness. it's his turn now. pity him veri2 much. hes damn bloody sick & imy ALOT. get well real soon baby.

composing a song fer me is the damn sweetest ting. thank you alot.mister asy,do make me melt more by just singing. :)

been fighting with bestie. i dunno wth is happening in our brains. but we are kinda okae now. no hard feelings babe. i might be unreasonable. over sensitive but i still love u bestie.

nabeyy

2009-05-03T22:39:00.006+08:00

it has been since 2 weeks plus ive been nt werking

less pocket money!

& i was being posted to other outlets instead of my own today

ohh. tiring butt kinda funn

& there my instinct was telling me,

n it was so keen

i keep on looking out of my shop

TARAAA.

my instinct was definitely rite.

my instinct told me i was goin to see someone with a gerl

just that sumone.

& i tot it was going to be asy, but it wasnt

there!

i saw sumone wif bag pack n black cap n black watch n maybe black jacket

he was passing the shop with that gerl

i knew who was him, who was her

i literally went out of the shop n took a clearer view

& went in back, saying to my cliques

SEE! I TOLD U THAT IM GONA SEE SUMONE WALKING WITH A GERL

haha. stupid memories. stupid me. BAHH. ps: clue-) WISMA :)

sakit pon nak klua.

2009-05-02T02:44:00.005+08:00

boredom kills and its friday! i wont stand the fact that when people are going hectic, im sitting at home rotting like a rotten apple. THANK GOD, my sis saved my life. i took my own sweet time to shower and when i went out of the house, it was already 6 plus in the evening. Went out to orchard and bought a few things there. this might sound lame but FINALLY, i tasted figer licking good PASTAMANIA. it was quite nice n the service there was kinda okay.

n THANK GOD AGAIN, my bro in law picked us up at takashimaya or else my sis & my naughty nephew will have to suffer my mourn all the way back home in the train.

around 12 plus am just now, i had the gerls family talk. it was super duper fun & PAINFUL eventhough i was already half asleep. the painful part---) my sis was given permission by my momma to hit my head softly with the edge of the camera. & she did it more than i expect her to do. reason fer the punishment was that momma n sis agreed i was damn stupid not to choose sumone who they like alot n who likes me alot. & it all comess down to the ONE YEAR AGO STORY. which i keep emphasizing that im totally over that idotic idiot. they laughed when i told them that the idiot is turning into a beast sooner or later & i dun regret by his decision leaving me behind.

arghh

2009-04-30T23:27:00.009+08:00

today is realatively a very bad
day.
mislook on
sumone
pissed with
bestie
felt that i was shitted into
puddle of shit
BUT

forgave bestie

had some care & sharing sessions wif the boys

2 key ADVICES to advice bestie

bestie had some care & sharing session wif the boys

she called me up asking random questions

put down the phone

she cried & i felt freaking bad

duno what to do now
STRESS= I EAT ALOT JUST
NOW
before bestie called, safiah called
i thought she was acting stupid
but actualli she didnt
she tot i was the one who called her up
BUT I WASNT the one
weird weird weird.
thinking bout mistakes during hariraya last year.the amount spent with a complete stranger that only lasted 2 weeks.couldnt bear animore if the same thing happen now.he can oso leave after 2 weeks.the right one is so hard to find.but i hope he can be the one.i duno whats gona happen now.

i dunno why on earth are bad things bundling up, and strikes just like the shooting star

3 most precious living organism in my life:

#1 family

#2 TR especially bestie

#3 asy

sickk again

2009-04-28T14:58:00.006+08:00

its been quite a long time since ive fallen sick. so today was the day. my throat was fcukingly sore and now. im having flu. oh gosh.hu wants to be a sicko kid? I TOTALLI DONT. plus the heavy rain, i want my hot hot sun back.

mccafe or to be exact, DOWNTOWN EAST, has lately been the hottest spot fer my gerls to see sumone who is totalli in my black list. & im laughing out loud and thanking god so much that god has prevented me frem going there several times. evritin happens fer a reason. n im smiling so widely to noe the fact that he is a totalli fcuked up guy. moron dumb fcuk.

im missing my TR fer quite sometime now. so my dear TR dedettes. meet me up as soon as u all can. & i am so totalli gona plan next outing. u gerls planning sux sumtimes. hehe.

DEAR SAFIAH,

life is full of challenges. & im veri sure u can achieve wat u alwaes want in life. all the hardships ure going through now, im here fer u no matter wat. its been since like how many many many years ago since i know u. & i hope tis friendship will last fer eternity. we have been going through almost the same thing in life. having the same number of siblings and family problems. its the best to let it all out to u. n vice versa.so dun give up in anitin u do. n ure nt fat. :):)

ive realise the fact that im over sumone COMPLETELY. n im so nt gonna turn my head back. & now i can even laugh remembering back the past. its damn hilarious.

SO QUESTION OF THE DAY

can u LIKE a person even before meeting him?? answer through commenting. :)

jubilant daes

2009-04-24T15:11:00.006+08:00

i was totally a different person yesterdae

alot of people made my day

& i was happy as a kid hu got rich in a dae

i was in a super duper good mood that i'd say YES to anitin good

even bestie said, " if ure like tis every single day, ill love u much more"

& i simply replied, " u will love me no matter how shitty i can get, :)"

so today, sumbody was extra weird.

sumbody message me earli in the morning asking for my class

& sumbody said if u get a suprise, just smile okie?

there i was, wondering what the hell is tis person trying to get across to

and finally around 11 plus, i got the suprise

heiqal aka my king of fart started to chat with me

asking whether i already found out the guessing game

which i was excitedly waitin fer

i went to the facilitator's desk as i was being asked by heiqal

& found my surprise!

tank u dear fren, u realli made my dae :)

tis was in the tiny envelope

how sweet can my king of fart be? tanx once again HEIQAL . :)

ps:im getting fat. stop eating hanie.

urghhh.

2009-04-22T09:55:00.002+08:00

im totally PISSED with mr field!

hes being a total pain in the ass. & i cant stand it animore.

ive moved on!

& fer once, can u stop all ur bullshits

& fer once im saying, i jolly well dun care who the hell u wanna flirt with

i hate chatting wif a super big ego flirtatious guy

u can be that one guy with the looks

but if ur attitude sucks, it all goes in the bloody muddy drain

i saw him from far & i sighed

he can be a good fren

IF he talks lesser

ps:damn fcuking mad wif mister FIELD

toss n turn

2009-04-20T21:39:00.005+08:00

& today morning, i culdnt sleep

i toss n turn till near 5 am & woke up at 6 am

there was just one image displaying in my mind

nono, exactly 2 images

all the night it was haunting me

or issit the ice cino tt i drank last night?

but i knew tt i gave up sleeping when it was 3 plus

i stared up to the ceiling

& there,

my white night ceiling turn to 2 split horrible faces

i tried closing my eyes

& try dreaming

but that horrible faces wont stop laughing

i could only vanish the anger by pouring out a bit

the ceiling was the worst of my enemy

i swore full hearted-ly

the promise that i said to two of my bestie before going to slip

that promise that i'll remember to fulfill

the same promise that haunt me throughout the nite

& the same promise, that made me nearly insane

school.

2009-04-20T00:51:00.005+08:00

tomorrow is the ferst day of school n yet im still not asleep. have thousands of tings to do but none are done yet. n im sitting infront of tis lappy of mine wondering wtf am i nt asleep yet. i hate my course n i hate myself. BAHH

haha. okae. i know why. ahh. diam uh wani. went out wif gerlfrens todae n scolded them almost half of the journey. n in return, i got twice as much scolding frem them. ohh gosh.can today be ani more worser.haha.HOHO.nbcb. school sux. school sux. n i sux.

& it was a surprise to me that sumone actualli read tis thrash piece of mine. okae. truthfully. i am still pissed. n jealous. n again feeling unwell. n shivering. n crying. haha. COMBO set lah seii nie. bestie reminded me so much to utter all my feelings out. but yet. ill prefer to keep it deep down eventhough it feells damn bloody exploding. sheesh.

i hate tis part right here. & i have no words to describe it. i didnt packed my bag. i called bestie, nearli crying my soul out. & seriuzli, i was fcuking shivering. it was the same ting tt happen a year ago. the same feeling. n i hate tis part. haha.. im turning as krazy as my mom n dad. but a little bit more crazier.

& WTH!i should be packing n sleeping. shit me. & i should ferget evriting like NOW .kk. adios. & ps: 19 & 20 april= jackasss DAY

dot dots

2009-04-18T00:12:00.004+08:00

oh gosh. i so miss my mp4 & like finally i got it just now. self declare. MP4 IS SO MY FERST B.F. kk. i dun have to mood to blog initially. im feeling fcukingly crap now. listening to songs which was ages due. ohh goshh.

went down at meet my neighbour, firdaus. & i actualli smoked wif him. to release my stress. n now the ciggys giving me the damn headaches. whats becoming out of me. im perspiring & im feeling unwell.& his pm, FRENS WE ARE. so ill just assume he just wanna be frens wif me. omg. i feel like killing myself. i cant stand the pressure.

its been way too long since i had tis feeling. n now. it will have to vanish. im mad. i really am.but fer the ferst time, i have to admit, im in love once again. oh god.

watch this story just now. its quite long time ago storie. but ive neva watched it before. & it was superb. so fer those hindustan freako, tis is one movie u have to watch. i cried damn much. n the storie plot reminds me more about him. n i cant stand tis heavy lifting feelings. bestie says, ferget him. & ill try my best.

ure damn stupid wani.veri2 stoopid.

done

2009-04-13T23:47:00.003+08:00

i want this feeling to go away. right here . right now. i dun care. yest. went out again. & i came to a conclusion whereby i must go away frem tis situation as soon as i can. his been calling up tis gerl called ******* a.k.a ***. n i guess he took pics wif her too. i noe i jolly well dun have the right to get mad. bt tis anguish has been dreadfully dragging. & i swear, i want it to stop.

added ***. & saw her pic with him. so including tis, ive been seeing the same face at his hp, n her tagg. shes gorgeous. wayy too gorgeous compared to me. neither im pretty nor im sweet nor im compatible wif u. im nt ur standard. she is. so yah. tts why, yest, aku sedihh.

i dun wanna hold my hopes too high. i might trip & fall & hurt myself. there's just something bout you den i can find & dat can make me happy. praying so much that this time ALLAH would make it right. but god didnt. its hard to tell the truth bout tis impossible feeling. so ill just keep it fer now. i guess it doesnt matter animore. after seeing the facts, im hopelessly shagg.

((: I'm Saffy ((: says:
mayB he oni treats eu as a frn

safiah said tis to me. & i guess shes right. so please. go away ferm me u perfect stranger.i dun wanna fall any more deeper.

just go away.just go away. just go away. ill just rather be not hapi

i dun care. i dun care. i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.i dun care.

now some situation is going on.

n wat i try to do is make a fool out of myself n LOL. bahh. its the onie ting i can do.. sheesh.

full moon

2009-04-12T23:57:00.002+08:00

full moon= happy me :)

ive been loving full moon since i duno when

btw, realli had an awesome day last night

wonderful2 place. full with a bundle of crapness

i dunno what reformation ive been going through nowdaes:

smiling
giggling to myself
happy2 life
felt nearly completed

can i lie to myself that im seriously and 100% sure that im not falling fer anibody. historically, LOVE has not been existing in me since last year. & GUGUGAGA, im feeling the same way as how i used to a year ago. DAMN. tis must be bloody shitty. & it takes two hands to clap. but i only got one. ill make sure ill cut off the hand, IF I CAN.

it doesnt mean when a person dun text or give u call, he or she doesnt care right? but in my case, ill tink the other way round. stupid2. gosh. & as when i was just typing bout tis call. the 'ONE' called me up. hell yeah. like he said.. way too much of chemistry

ps:i tink im having 'THAT' feeling.

bestie love

2009-04-11T01:51:00.003+08:00

im in the most fcukingly hell of a major situation

bestie just isnt talking to me

& trust me, tis isnt normal.

although besties do fight often

tis is just abnormal

he is just another fren aisya.

why cant i make frens wif him as well

i just dun understand u sometimes

i did break the bestie rule

& im sorri.

& when i just wanted to tell u how i felt

i guess u wuldnt want & try to understand

i dunno where to start

but i just want u to be happy

i love u so much.

TO BESTIE

half the day spent werking

i was smiling in the shop endlessly

checking my hp countless of times

i realli didnt noe wat the heck i was trying to do

deny-ing the feelings tts popping

TIS IS MERELY IMPOSSIBLE

thinking of my bestie, i shut close these stupid feeling

omg, i want my bestie now to tell her

but i guess my first priority is still her

i had this strange feelings of great highness

few daes back

even before meeting him tt day

i dunno why

but its been a long time since i felt great highness

n SMILED

the other party, wont feel the same way

thats the fact

but wat if its the first time, after ages

im finally feeling the likeness

without even knowing the person well

& proudly stand up as say, i will be so happy to get him in my life

wont u be happy fer me too bestie?

baby just knock it out

2009-04-10T00:59:00.002+08:00

i just cant resist the tension of being at home

blah blah blah

noisy noisy noisy

i will not & can neva sit in the house fer 24 hrs.

it really kills.

& kelly baby, if u coincidently find my blog tis veri day.

im sorri that i had to lie

to cover up my history

hes nt a fren of aisya

hes just sumone u strongly should ask me about

& JUN stole him away.

wasting my brain cells to tink about the unnecessary

ur juvenility sucks damn lots

ur pride is bigger den ur balls

n i hate u.

the loud cheetah

2009-04-08T01:32:00.005+08:00

one of my babes in TR is being hospitalised due to some sudden illness faced. azura was always being the one irritating bitch. but i still do love her. she doesnt talk. she shouts as if im across the pacific ocean. & wat this sick gerl did in the hospital was suprisingly un usual. she talks as soft or softer than normal human. & TARAA.. she tries to beat me up wif her 'KAMBING' even in her sick condition.gila punya org.

& it was so funny when i realised we become such good gerlfrens till now when initially we used to hate each other back then. HAHA

GET WELL SOON BABY. ily.

& afta that. went to lepak2 at tam mart mac. n it was the bloody ferst time. safiah n morsyid tagg along wif me & aisya n slack till 12 plus in the morning.

PS: i want to shit! please throw the constipation aside NOW.

26 feb 08

2009-04-07T01:01:00.005+08:00

tremendousness rain fall today could nearly be compared to tears that was awaiting to touch the earth surface. under the umbrella, gripping a strong n firm hold, tears fell as much. workplce: moving in a circular motion. one message. one reply. one word. could ruin every strength. it was as if the weather knew & felt the same way. joining the downfall.

same situation, different cast. same him, different her. so would tears come out when she decide to quit her job? the same ting i did a year ago. staring down, all the way, i couldnt describe how insane i was in the train. but nothing else appeared.

im totalli done. finished. but it still kept haunting.

emptying bowels

2009-04-05T00:27:00.007+08:00

& just now, was so emptying bowels day . i had rather a long and painful stomach since 2 daes ago. so went to werk. started at 12 15 p.m bcause i was late. HAHA. few mintues later. went to guardian and bought this thing to get rid of my constipation.

trust me. buy this. and i bet u wont wanna buy it again. I swear. I WONT BUY IT AGAIN> its damn fcuking powerful.

i went for my break at 5PM. drank only a cup of hot milo bcause i seriuzli have no mood to eat. n at 5: 28PM, my stomach started to react. & VA VA VOOOM. i went to loo sticking my ass on the bowl fer near to 1 hour. it was really damn painful. i threw my shoes away frem me. n not forgetting my new specs. that goes on the floor too. my incharge even went to the toilet to check out whether i was alright. which obviously, I WASNT.

so after all the trouble i went through, THANK ALLAH fer saving me. my stomach ache stopped. n now im feeling way much better.

took this picture when i was on the way back home frem school. configuring my lappy which onie takes around 15 mins!BAHH! n now my webcam doesnt werk at all. how shitty is tat.when i saw this secondary school couple, it remind me so much of my sec school love daes. 'Monkey LOVE'. haha.

met up wif mr fadli arnd a week ago. its been so long since i did mit him up. then & now, we still do fight about the smallest details. its been like. SIX or SEVEN fcuking years ive known this idiot. it was nice catching up wif u old fren.

goshh

2009-03-28T12:29:00.004+08:00

my momentum of updating my blog has finally come. 2 post for a day. BAH. i cant stand thinking of it. i was so done just now, early in the morning when i accidently have the urge to type in someone's name and look at his frenster profile. n i saw something that realli n nearli broke me into 100 pieces.

saw this particular profile before? if u did. den u shld noe who i am talking about.

& tat particular information that brought slow movements in the nite.

tis guy that i once had feelings fer. the one that once studied on the same level as me. is moving out to nanyang poly. that means. he got higher grades fer his math. congrats raay. no2. im not crying just yet. i dun miss him! but the thought of me getting back to school to see his face evritime, VANISHED. eventhough he will ignore me and walk the other path when he sees me. now, i swear. i realli DUN have any mood to go back to school. haiz. n tt the fact that i will neva see him again. kills.

PS:i have a bad week.

suay2 day

2009-03-28T00:03:00.007+08:00

i wonder why i have the 'suay' package every year. today. wat happen was. my ezlink went missing! wth. i dunno how it could be missing. i pray so much fer that to reappear tomorrow. or else. i ahve to make a new one. wif cost 22 bucks! nabey. ya allah. dear ALLAH, please return me back m ezlink. plz do. i love you.

few days ago. it was krazy tt webcam could werk.n i webcam wif khalid the whole night. as he showed my how his cat, COMBI, looks like. damn fat hor the cat. i remember khalid told me tat the cat ate ayam. n long john silver ayam n fish. so here are the pics.

so tis is the adorable combi

WEBCAM SESSION. specs-ly US

i really pray so much tt i wont get suay further more. i have been alwaes suay. n that started.. since i dunno when. so please pass the package to sumbody else. i have enough of it fer so many fcuking years. SHIT.

CONGRATULATION FATHIN NUR SYAFIQAH.

at last u found ur true one. i really hope fer things to turn out smoothly. ure a nice gerl. n i know that nice n great things will be the outcome of ur rship. although theres ups n down. but it wont be as bad as breaking both of u frem each other. :) hapi slalu yer fatin.

so fer this two love birds. tings dun go as well bestie tot it would be. n i wuld say that DIN is inhuman in some ways. babe, i know u will get sumone better den him. so dun wori. fer now. FLIRTING is the key to get u better. n plz remember to do the tings i told u to. i dun want u to become the next hanie eyy. last yr was damn horrible fer me. n i dun wan u to be like me as i love u veri2 much. SMILE babe. manis sei aisya.

MORAL OF THE STORIE FER TODAY. DO NOT PUT UR EZLINK IN UR POCKETS. ALWAYS JUNK IT IN UR BAG. I SWEAR THIS WORKS. :)

wtff.

2009-03-24T22:56:00.003+08:00

last sunday. date noted. 22 of march 2009. i had a great wedding evening wif my first sis, her children plus momma. i was surprised to see this guy name bob at the 2nd wedding. of which is my niece wedding. didnt bother to say hi. dun tink he remembered me.

so as usual, ill look at their pelamin and all that wedding tingy.. love the 1st bcause of ambience .love the 2nd second wedding because it had a niece pelamin. and my niece husband is super duperly hensem!! bah.. JEALOUS2.ill intend to eat alot since i love nasi minyak so much. and the berkat was both chocolate. so i ended up with 4 toblerone n 4 packets of ferrero rocher in my bag.aper lagi??MAKAN UH. im so a chocoholic sia.

so i came to a conclusion that i can eat alot of those if i were to jog at nite that very day. which i eventualli did. after arnd 30 mins of jog. my leg start to itch. n i THOUGHT it was just normal. so i just scratch it and continue wif the jog. as minutes pass, it realli damn fcukin itch alot. n i could feel something building up on my lips.so i stopp there. n walk all the way back home. switch on the light! KAAAPONNGG! my face was damn swollen and my whole body was filled with rashes.. i called bestie aisya. panicking in the toilet and crying out loud knowing that i couldnt handle wat was happening. one side, i was holding my phoone while the right hand sight of my hand was ussed to wash my face with dozens of water particles.

after bath time. i was still not in good condition. i woke up my mum n had to tell her truth that i went to jog late at night. she strongly disagree wif my idea to jog late at night. she stared at me. scold me. say it was my fault. n went back to sleep. WOW! i culdnt blame her. it was my fault fer sneaking out of the house to jog.i tried my best to relax. on the lappy. chat wif some frens. n the next 2 hrs. my raashes were 3/4 gone but my face was still swollen. was forced to clinic to get MC since i had to skip werk on that very monday.

NOW IM PERFECTLY FINE. HEHE. :)

somebody touch my heart yesterday. it was so swit of that particular person to recap all the memories we had with each other. n how swit of him. dreaming about one of the most sad situation in our lives again. he dreamt the exact same thing that happen few years ago. n i was really shocked. hw could someone dream bout the same situation that happened few years ago. IMPOSSIBLE but tats the ultimate truth. been tinking bout wat he chat with me last night. been realli thinking n thinking n thinking.

n bottomline: ALLAH IS LOVED

mondae blues

2009-03-09T13:57:00.003+08:00

thats it! my room has become like a corner fer hanging wet clothes to dry up. ill always wake up frem sleep finding myself so sticky. n when i look down. hell. im so not surprise theres like few thousand clothes hanging. i wish i could lock the room so my momma wont be able to hang it here. darn!

& i realli miss how i use to spent to momma.talking bout everything thats happening in my life. now, ill just keep all to myself. i cant tell her the way i used to. shes mad at me fer certain reason which i cant disclose. just now, i was force to talk to her just bcause i cant find my thumbdrive. n it was no use. there she was screaming n yelling. & its so dumb of me by which when i re-check my school bag, i found it in the front pocket. BAHH!

i was supposed to upload tis picture a few daes ago. but i simply didnt have the chance to snap a photo of it. tis was a so called present frem art frem the mini arcade. cute eyy. what name should be given to tis cute ting of mine? HAHA. no. i dont have any deprived childhood. but theres a kid in every teen n adults, im sure. k.k. final decision.ill call it jeredi. :)

daddy.

2009-03-08T00:47:00.007+08:00

today will be one of those historic daes ill remember in my life. its sat and its my off day but yet im staying at home! BORING. yeah2. i was. but i was so relieved that i didnt went out bcause it was raining quite heavily just now around 4 plus.

daddy was being a total dearie. momma isnt at home so i shout out loud from my room asking my dad to cook for me. sometimes, he cooks way better than my mum does. but when it comes to making drinks. hes the expert one. he will create his own drinks.n only god noes how the hell he gets the funny idea from. today, he told me he made a new drink. add abit of salt to the bandung, and it will damn marvelous. the best bandung drink ever, dad's homemade BANDUNG! yum2.

okae2. here comes the 'dearie' part. as a i said i shout asking him to cook fer me. he replied, asking me to eat yesterday's leftovers. i was so called nagging at him insisting that i dont want to. so he folk out his money and ask me to buy pizza instead. & tis, only happens once in my whole entire lifetime. n the switest ting he said just now was....." ayah lapar tkper. ayah tengok kau lapar ayah kesian. nah! amek 20 dollar beli pizza. cukop tk?? lain2 smua kau top up" HAHA. dun laugh when u read it.

i was trembling when i key in 62353535. i couldnt even pronounce Parmesan . so i just said cheese. i wasnt the favourite one to call up any fast food to order. i will always shift that ordering job to my sis. i hate talking to strangers regarding food!and i ordered 2 extra chili flakes and parmesan cheese. n OH YEAH. two extra amount of chili n cheese was more than i imagine it will be. so here are the pictured.

TOTAL SUM= $24. 30

dad gave me 24 bucks. so 30 cents was frem me. calculative.? hell yeah!

told u it was alot!

paranoid

2009-03-05T02:19:00.004+08:00

OMG2! MY EXBOIFY GETTING MARRIED.hoho. gosh.finally he has found his true love. which is not me. although im abit jealous. but hell yeah, congrats! thru all the shits u went thru. finally u found the one. he invited my bestie but not me. yaya. . good luck eyy mr fauzy. 2 more months & ure a married man.

suddenli i was so scared imagining myself living alone. without anyt husband. gosh. may Allah love me and find me a suitable bujang to get married plz. not desperate though.but every one wants a happy ending rite. readers, i tink u do as well. i guess im those 1 in the million unlucky bitch who have this unlucky fate.

in my TR dedettes. onie left 3 single virgins. SAFIAH/HANIE/SHAZZY. gd luck babes on finding the true one. omg. omg. im being so paranoid. so mrepek. so pedih2 like how mr art will refer me as.

on the behalf of nabilah, ill try my best not to pedih2 animore k twin.ok dah. finish.no more.

one hundred years ago.

2009-03-03T00:21:00.003+08:00

my all in one package happens today. i dunno wat more reason to give. ive tried so hard to give as much reason. n the onie werd that came out, u answered my question wrongly. EGO. ure being too ego. i guess someone read my post n understand how i felt. dun go fer me now. im too hell of a caught up gerl right now. mayb in the future. i dunno.

if i could reborn myself again, i definitely would. n i definitely will choose not to work at SWENSEN. neva would. n heres the ting, hes werking with my all time favourtie enemy. sheesh. onie god noes.

letter given was swit n it touched my heart deeply to noe how much i am to someone.but wth am i nt appreciating the presence of someone so kind, so kind. so i dun blame others if i ever get the karma. karma has been the part n parcel of my life. GOSH. ill regret tis one day. ill definitely will. im being so selfish. i tink i need to go to the psychiatrist. im 1/4 ill. n im not surprised if im going to the mental hospital. BAH! touch wood uh. thats the last ever place i want to be in.

player, not.

2009-03-02T01:26:00.002+08:00

i dunno wats happening in my brain nowdaes.i dun usualli eat alot & here i am eating n gaining too much. that one message isnt enough. im nt in ease of mind. i DUNNO wats taking u so long to make an action. i dunno why ure jealous when u saw that photo. n i dunno why ure so unreasonably determined.that reply given is true. why issit so hard fer you to know how much i went thru from time to time killing the pictures of u inside my hard stubborn skull. ALWAYS & FOREVER.

ALLAH IS LOVED

2009-02-26T01:17:00.003+08:00

been realli stressed with the environment nowdays
especially strongly stressed wif momma.
hus kinda blabbering about my life & how should i treat people
i tot she understood my feelings
but i guess, she doesnt noe how pressured i am
with her not suporting my back, i feel more crappy den eva.
ill just pretend that im not listening to her
n laughs while watching the t.v
BAH!

tanx alot DOK fer helping me out.

i owe u one huge favour fer finalli making the day im waiting fer to arrive happen.

btw, today's my one year anni wif the one

happi anni!

one year, n i cant imagine having the same feeling fer someone tis long, tis strong

i realli hope friday will be the day

& i thank ALLAH so much

fer answering my prayers

& i hope everything will be just fine

i pray fer it to be fne

i hope it will be fine.

Friday will be the day

so please dok, try ur best to make it happen

you noe how stubborn he can get

& i noe he listens to u

so plz.

i begg fer you to do ur best

mum, i realli hope u can stop all of ur werds

please take it all back.

i realli hope ure happi when u see me happy

bcause now, im not

& i hate it when u forced me to be happy

the last ever time when i was realli happy, u should noe when was it mum

thru the hardship ive gone through

thru the sacrifices ive made

ive only loved one

i cant stop now mom.

ALHAMDULLILAH.

ALLAH yang ku sayang.

doa kwn2 ku sangatlah dihargai. :)

K.L trip

2009-02-24T23:14:00.023+08:00

i went to K.L fer 4 daes and it was kinda fun. the morning of 19th feb. arnd 5 plus a.m. i dragged myself out of bed to take a bath n went off to tanjong pagar train station. imagine taking mrt n going to tanjong pagar frem simei?it will be hell to long man! so i plead my mum to take the taxi instead.its been since ages ive been going out of spore. n im glad i finally did.the train journey was super duper super LONNGGG!8 hfreaking hours. and my butt almost died in the midd way of the journey. i forced myself to slip so that it wont suck that much. mum has a phobia taking bus. she once had a bad tummy flu and had to pangsai when the bus was still running its wheel on the express way. she pleaded him so bad that the driver sent her quickly to the nearest stopable place. HAHA. so next time she wants to take train, ill give her the suggestion of taking the airplane instead.VAVA VOOM!

some cool shit tingy. it was awesome art.

tis is wat i call, muke tempeh basi. earli in the morning sia, wat u expect more than rotten face.

MOMMA tempeh basi face. :D

the thomas rusty train.

bye2 spore.

random pics taken. i was acting as if i was some good photographer with a cheap quality motorola hp camera.

the best pic of the day.

tis is just before i went to sleep. HAHA

the main reason fer us to go k.l was to escape frem the family fer a while. the feeling is beta den having sex. haha! although ive neva been in one. but i noe. the escape was really needed. i always wanted to get the feel of the petaling street. n like FINALLY, i went there. my aunty n my mum was superly cautious of the surrounding, it was kinda scary n also irritating.if i have the authority to scold dem, i really would. didnt shop that much. short of time babe. n i remembered two tings bout K.l.

FIRST: when tis guy approach me when i following my kuzzie to buy tickets fer the mrt there. n my aunty n mum was accusing me of being cheeky. WTH. he blocked my way n prevent me frem walking. so i just layan him fer a while n went off. BAHH!

SECOND:we went in tis shop.n i was totalli pissed of my mum wanting to but something that i eventualli asked her not to buy. but che eventualli did. i nearli cried remembering something. n realli hurts alot when she did that. u readers might think that im being too emotional. but i just cant tell wat she realli wanted to buy. n how the stories go. ill bet u. u will definitely side me if u noe.

the 2nd last day.my pak long brought me to i dunno wat shoppin centre but before that, he brought banana along wif him n gave the monkeys who was starving. NABEYY! banyak monyet2 seii..

obviously, tis isnt the monkey. before n during the monkey sight see-ing.

the last day. pak long sent us to the k.l sentral train station. he was was into the conversation wif my mum till he hit the wrong path and was lhas no idea how to get to the train station. so in the end. he park his car sumwhere n took taxi. n i didnt noe that msia taxi is way much different frem spore. it doesnt use the 20 cents per how many minits tingy. i dunno wats tt called la!ferget it. thats all. :D:D end it here. adios.

cravings.

2009-02-18T04:05:00.009+08:00

my blog post is very2 the part time post. you noe wat i mean? i dun update it every single day like most idiots will do. i post when i feel that tats too much going on in life and i dunno how to express it.

i celebrated my first ever valentine day with my closest guy fren. it was freaking swit. n guess wat. I GOT A FIRST EVER ROSES FROM A GUY. tanx so much fer the awesome day fren. we went to breeks at marina square to have dinner. bought subway cookies. well, its his favourite. ONE DOUBLE CHOC N ONE MACADAMIA NUT.

tis picture wasnt taken by me. it was some random pictures that i SEMANGAT-ly search fer. but it was the exact same cookies we bought.

i called my mum to inform her that was returning home late to catch some midnight movie. she allowed me to do so n hell yeah, i was jubilant. we watch this movie called slumdog millionaire and it wasnt a waste of my 20 bucks. its a good hindi-eng storie. u guys out there should watch it.

& hell yeah, the heroine of the storie fcukingly look like aisya. BAH!

after movies, which is arnd 2 plus in the morning so we headed to this one place to chat. obviously, theres no train back home. we took the 4th or 5th train home n was totalli shag by that time. he was sleeping in the train and i pity him so much fer even bothering to send me home eventhough his tired. SO PICTURES TIME!

BREEKS time

fav pic of the day. :)

tanx so much dear fren & i had fun fer vdae. :) ohh yah one important ting. the most historic part was when my tummy hurts like hell arnd 3 plus to 4 plus in the morning . i was crying out bcause i culdnt resist the pain. thank ALLAH fer making it stop.MY GOD IS LOVED.

in conclusion i guess love isnt the word fer now. lets make more friends and mingle around. :D & im hapi fer the ones who have fallen but those who is single, join the club baby. LOVE isnt the SEX any more. :D ps: IM CRAVING FER ZINGER BURGER!!

shitty shitty shit

2009-02-12T00:58:00.004+08:00

okae go.here it goes again. i wanna lodge a complain. IM SO TIRED OF WERKING MY ASS OFF! too tired. i swear i want school to start soon. its so tiring & i prefer schooling den working 100000000 timees more la! btw. its been a very long time since i went overseas. insya allah.going there on the 19th of febuary. hope so! MOMMA! BOOK THE TIX FASTER AIT CAN?it has beena ages n nows the time to shop n shop

BTW. thank HAZIQ fer buying me a branded watch. n asking me to throw away my popart unbranded watch. but ill still wear them both! actualli. i dare nt to touch tt watch. its so WHITE n im one careless idiot who will end up dirtying it. duhh. so ill just wait till school reopens n ill wear tt watch.

counting down to valentine. 2 more daes n yet. im uncertain of the venue/time/people. HAHA. well. its gona be my first valentine date. if i have ani. & ive been hoping fer sumone to pop out and give me a bouqet of rose. oh gosh. wuldnt it be wonderful.. fer now. duno wats my plan la deyy. wahliau. n half of my TR is celebrating vdae togther. i dunno whether to join or nt to join.

The last of my complains. the word FAT. i tink im too fat now. nabeyy. i eat n eat n eat n complain n complain n complain. i guess eating food is my hobby. gosh. i pray so hard i wont get fat. since im eating way alot den before n it destroys my tummy. it used to be so slim n fit n now it all goes down to the train.flabby like FCUK! end it now. tata.

I EAT LIKE A FCUKER

2009-01-30T01:18:00.010+08:00

stressful days. realli2 stressful daes.well. my wonderful bestie is like working the whole day n i realli fcuking miss her.cant complain to anione. im like bursting from all the pains. all i can do now. is eat n eat n eat like one fcuker. im so scared of being fat. but i eat like one freaking piggy .

fyi: bestie is happily attached with din. all the best bestie. hope he n u can last fer eternity. i mean it with all my heart. it has been long since i realli see you tis happi.with someone hu is totally opposite of u. well, opposite attracts well.. for example. BACK N WHITE ATTRACTION! kwang2.

miss you bodoh!

to that guy, DINbaby, haha! u bloody hell dun hurt my besties's feeling. or u can SUP ALL YOUR THUMBS and leave none of it attached to ur body

.i went out wif my T.R n frens. i have only one pic with me right now. ill get all the pics from my shazzy baby soon.i tot it was suppose to be a date out cycling. but in the end. it turned to be a gossiping under the pondok tingy.i look freaking horrible in this picture.KENTAL.

NOW COMES THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

ive hurt so many people. i guess i wont expose their names here. But i noe, alot of them. sorry fer the trouble i made. i was finding myself. but i guess i neva did. all the shiits ive gone through. has made me become a bad as well as a good person.it does contradicts.but its the true statement of life. fer those who cried, please fergive me. i cried 100 times more than you did. i feel the pain. its better tt i confess now den later rite?

NOW COMES ANOTHER MOMENT OF TRUTH

well, i was chatting happinly with t.r n frens. when suddenli natashah said that she needed to show me something important. something bout the one who i was longing fer. i read the msg. & woo hoo!feeling dia shiok skalik. have u eva felt tt u heart was about the jump out of ur body? ur hands were totally useless. ur brain flying away from ur skull. i was seruzli a mix of emotions. jealousy.fcuked up. mooody. AHH! i dunno how to decribe it.

well msg written in this way

"jus wanna tell u i rely lyk u loads n miss u day by day .. Heartbreak wen u say got oter more caring.. Well trs kan jer la wif him.. Just live ur life wif no regret"

u shoulld noe its from him.n tis msg was sent from him to natshah. my fren. one of my good fren. and frem that day, i was totally down. look at his pics several times n i wonder why is it so hard to ferget sumone hu doesnt even care bout u. Answer me plz sumbody!ive alwaes wished fer the same wish that onie i noe what i wish fer.

mr SYAH

LAST MOMENT OF TRUTH

well, tis is my b. i mean. not hubby or baby. just my B. i call him that since i dunno when. perangai nangnak nak mampos. Wats nangnak?? ask him lah. he loves using that word. i tink he stays better in THailand rather tha singapore. LIKE DUH! he is one guy that has a mole on his upper lips n loves kids. n i said to bestie, i swear i will leave all guys just fer nazirul.n i swear i can ferget anyone that i wanted just fer nazirul. i dunno wats so special bout him but yah, all things cant be explained rite??like i said to his fren,syafiq, only god noes.

b wif baby ayuni. dammit!shes so adorable!

i swear when i was browsing his pictures. i felt that some sparkling tingy. n i was smiling all they way. am i kidding you?? NO I AM NOT. i was literally smiling infront of my lappy. hmm...

SUPER HUMAN

2009-01-19T01:05:00.013+08:00

fav pic of the day. :D:D.credits---)dan

yesterdae was quite the most memorable dae eva la seii! went out wif 3 awesome guys. but midd way, one of dem went off. & onie left with me n two superduper gdd bowlers n dancers. hah!i feel like slapping their faces when they say there arent good dancers. haik doosh!onie one crappy ting tt happen yest was when tis idiot ass threatened me to find me if i aint gona meet him.which i eventualli didnt n nobody did actualli find me. asshole!

well2, guess wat! 18 januari was the sight of my first shooting star!woo. dan was eventualli talking to me n dil. & i guess we ignored way he was talking about when we saw the light potraying its brightness out of the deep deep blue sky. i & dil was so mesmerized by it lah! i quickly planted a wish. there is this saying when we see a shooting star, quickly plant a wish because most probably our wish will come true.so why not giving it a try rite?? kk.pics time babey!

those three guys. ps:sucky phone.sucky phone.

dan bear. shiok sendiri btol.haha.

ayen KING & he totalli look like one gay boy wearing the big ear ring

playgroung;moonlight, & we saw our veri first shooting star!

muker basi

bestie AISYA, u know i know eyy. ur wishes, mine too la seii. dun wan history to repeat itself.i swear i dun wan it to happen again.T.R safiah, i hope fer the best. MIL babey rite?? sparkling session. she was smiling like giler nye budak gituk. hope fer the best & still hope fer the best. bottomline, i am so lazi to go n werk fer the holidaes. ill be thankful if money drops from the sky.so i can just rot at home and be FAT! :D i dun want all these hapi stories to end here. i realli have tis fear tt it will end sooner or later. it takes two hands two clap. it takes one to decide.

NEWW YEAR BABEY

2009-01-12T14:11:00.013+08:00

DARK2 picture

PICS OF COUNTDOWN

i tell you.im so lazy to blog nowdays.too much to blog.so little time.well 2009 have arise. my countdown was superb.accompanied by my bestie n my twin. it was already enough to celebrate countdown and making the 1st day of the year bloody hell awesome. we PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR. & hell yeah, guess what? i was dancing wif my twin when these two minah rep turned, looked at us & called us LESBO'S. like wtf?? well, we were dancing great enough till both of them couldnt utter a single word but denying the fact and calles us lesbo. GET A LIFE MINAH!

ps:i got a date on 31 dec 2009, 930pm

venue:downtown east

The starting of the few days of the new years ware consisting of good & bad moments. Well, i cant describe it that much.fer now, i dunno how to decribe the situation of mine. fer the first time, im really sick of contacting any guys. seriuzly seriuzly seriuz. i dunno wats up wif me, but hell yeah, its the moment of truth.

my new resolution

1)eat meals, not junks

2)be happy

3)mr right

it really hurts when someone whom used to complete you wants to ignore you for the rest of his life. i called him a jerk, fcuker, asshole and i realli dont mean it. it was just anger. & when ure angry, u dont mean what u say.ouh yeah, i remembered the starting daes after 3 weeks of holidae.i saw azizi and he literally so called 'shouted' that he could not stand when im ignoring him and acts as if i dont know him at all. well, my reason will be that im too ashamed to face any of raay's friends. my morality is really growing low. very2 low. im realli ashamed of what has happen between raay and me. its not their fault but ignorance will just do it. although its like 1o times bad.

well raay, i wish u get high grades fer ur math. i realli do.

the bad day, woohoo!

2008-12-10T10:00:00.014+08:00

it's been so long since i updates blog. SO my twin, here it goes..

ill start with my HARI RAYA HAJI.nothing special. i stayed at home the whole day. but i watched this movie that make me cry whe the story didnt even started. momma was saying, look at this guy wani, remind you somebody. then i replied, he doesnt even look like somebody i know because it was showing the side view of that actor. When the actor front view was sen, KAPANGG!! i cried..!!in my insanity, i took three pictures of him.

DOESNT HE LOOK EXACTLY LIKE KING??His eyes to be exact. & the mould under his eyes, just like his mum. His name, Razali hussein.

Over & done with that. so now, telling you my suck-ey day yesterday. 9 december 2008.

yesterday, i realised that i really did smile when i look at someone. so i am asking u reader, what does it mean when u intend to smile to a person who is not even looking at u??i myself aint sure about what i felt at that point of moment. so i just ignored it. i call him MR.FIELD.

ps: mr field's fren, if u happen to read this post. please do not tell him aite. i trust u MAN.

so yah, mr field left school as he said he wanted to slip that bad. So he left me in school going back alone which at that point of them i really didnt take it to the heart. I guess his behaviour is like that.i really didnt plan to go anywhere and was about to head home straight when i heard somebody calling me from the far end. When i turn, it was faris! with him was my pretty bestie and caliph. So we headed to T.M to chill out. i seriuzly didnt have the intention to go there at all.But when i went there, guess what.. i saw mr field with his g.f. i smiled & after i look away. my tears was about to drip & my feelings sank.

if i have no feelings fer him, den why the heck am i feeling this way. i had enough of all this shits sia that is happening.he has a g.f god dammit!& i didnt even noe bout that.im ignoring him because im pissed & hurt. Didnt even say sorry fer leaving me in school. thanks ayy mr field.

when i went back home, saw king. he smiled. but i swear i dunno hu he smiled to. i was about to smile at him when he turn away.so YAH LAH!

RULES

1) dont flirt if u have a girl-friend!

2)dun even dare to touch her

3)tell her you have a girlfriend so that she wunt fall fer you

4) dont give her fcuking hopes, if u want to hurt her

5) ignore her, if u think that she has fallen fer you eventhough she noes that u have a girlfriend.

im not okay

2008-11-19T00:24:00.007+08:00

im really not stable, not being my self these few days.

all i was thinking of was how sick life can be these days

and another thing that always appear in my mind, nur hidayat

my notes for my everyday. i put this in the centre of my deskstop so that i can look at it and remind me somehow to do these. & finally, i deleted this note. I dunt see a point of remembering him. its just plain suckey memory which i dun even regard as one.

The next following day was effing much the same situation but worser i guess. I forget which one of the days that i completely cried and cried even more when i remembered to two guys of my life. MR Y & MR king.. For MR.Y, i should not bother to even take a chance to be friends with him. i dunnoe hu he is. i dunno him.. ill wll alwaes pretend tt i will never know him. Bestie used to say, we will believe in ur lies and act as if its true. i will believe that the lies im making up now is definitely true! i msg bestie to try to kol king and tell him how much i do miss him. she msg him n guess wat, she get scolded by king. Thanx bestie fer resisting the temper that he thre to you. was terribly sick on tuesday. & i tink ive food poisoning. Luckily there was this friend of imine who picked me up from school and sent me straight home. THANX buddy!. i was really really really sick && it comes to a point for which i cried like i was about to die.

Well, i did message king. & i am really2 sorry. but i guess when you said goodbye this time. its a goodbye. i was sick & he didnt even care about it. its ok. im done with both of them. i dun find a reason why i need to look back for what i have done. everything happens for a reason. & again, i believe STRONGLY IN KARMA!

today,today

2008-11-16T00:11:00.002+08:00

i cant win this game anymore. Its really killing me. Guess what happen today morning.i cried while i was in the toilet. Thinking of jeredi makes me.. ermm.. fcuked up? i remembered momma used to say that i wouldnt last long with him. i really wanted to provve momma wrong. But yerp, all her words are true. Youre right mama. You were right all along.

Yesterday i, bestie & shazzy went to lepak at simei. For the very first time, they came down to lepak at my place. WE MADE A BIG BOO BOO. We were littering, spit-ing, smoking and cam-whore-ing and guess what? i came to realise that there was a camera there lah. PUNYER LAH BODOH! Then we went off quickly after that. Before going off, we look again at the place. There was a big sign showing, AREA UNDER CAMERA SURVEILLANCE.HAHAHA!!we laugh our ass out loud & felt really scared after that. aper nak jadi, jadilah.

Let me remember something.. AHH! saaw king again on friday. wah piang.. can i like stop see-ing king. it's like almost evert single day that i will see him. please stop me from see-ing king. pretty2 please.

superior faker

2008-11-12T09:03:00.000+08:00

I HAVE ALOT OF THINGS TO UPDATE!

Ill START telling now babe.

Today, 12 november 2008, its hidayat's birthday. I can't litereally say happy birthday to him,so yah, ill say it here. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUHAMMAD NUR HIDAYAT. Yesterday, i wished that he have the worst day today. But it's kind of bad. Although he did broke my heart but ill wish him the best for his life. Thinking bout him, ill miss him more. I do miss him. i miss babe alot.

So about one of jeredi's friend, azizi aniq. Sorry alot bro, but ill have to ignore to for now or until forever. Im unsure. The reason for my avoidance is not totally because im mad for you. Terguris hati sikit lah. YOu remember that time when you was talking to one of your classmate,the one with the same face as yat, you said to him that he was talking to wani,YAT NYER LAMER. So i was abit pissed and went into the class feeling really disappointed. i was too restless and i couldnt think properly. The another reason is that i dun wanna keep remembering yat. What he did to me was enough and talking to u is as if im talking to yat. haiz. my heeart breaker.

so this is azizi aniq.

yat, i really do miss you but now i know, that you are just a liar. a big fat liar. once u said you would love me for eternity and once you said you would never leave. but what happens now? you act as if you don't know me. ill love you, n i still do.

I save this convo when you said" you my bestfren, my love ,my speacial one, my needs, you complete me ..i love you till the end of life".

Where have all the words gone missing? ALL of that was a lie. A big LIE!

I HATE YOU JEREDI.

I really2 do. it even hurts more when someone told me that you said you was just simply not interested in me animore. syabas muhd nur hidayat bin abdul razak. syabas!

WHo is yat? ill show you his picture.. ALl his pictures.

our first picture

the day we went to starbucks, the one you deleted in your friendster

our breaktime

gosh. this is heartbreaking. im in class now and i already feel like breaking down. God, why are you testing me so much? why??on the same level, but i cant afford to even have a glance. MY PAST.

So now its king's story. Saw him alot of times this week. 2 days straight. Early in the morning. i hope i wont see him again. i wont! i really wont. my love for him will always be in my heart. no one can take it from me. NO one!

isaw this picture in friendster and came up with a conclusion.

Caption of picture:The man who can't be move.

Yerp. she is the one after me. & she cant move on as well. Now you know how i feel raine. now u noe how i fcuking feel when he left me and went to you. i dunno what to say animore. because im still in love wif king. theres still him in this heart sumwhere. all i wish for will be someday that you will come back & everitin will be ok. i hope so. thats the onie ting i can ever wish for. from the day u left, till now. its the same wish. change syahren. please change.

im not well

2008-11-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

im not gonna be fine nowdays
having a disaster happening
i just cant find peace animore
unless im around my girlfriends
have to forget jeredi
have to forget jeredi
have to forget jeredi
gosh.
u noe i believe sumone will just come to my life and make me ferget everything that i want to ferget & start a new life
that person was jeredi
ididnt noe wats so special.
but he was the only one who could make me forgot about my bloody past
and now.
jeredi keeps quiet
and just dissappear just like that
you said you would love me till foreva.
but werds are only werds babe.
i miss kolling him babe
i miss muhammad nur hidayat bin abdul razak

i cant do anything right now
just do my daily routines in skool
n work during weekend
i dun even noe the reason for his change
ahha. his feelings was disappearing
i love him alot but yah, i have to let it go.
it started all from the excuses.

you pick me up wen im sick
so thank you so much for that
im getting sicker this few days
sick & sick&sick

nvm jeredi. im used to this routine
yeah. u can find other gals in a blink
but i cant
i feel like killing myself.
NO!
i smoked wif aisya tt dae
it was my first stick.
ahha. im goin uner depression
Shit happens.
n i dunno what is god planning
good nite bloggy.
i need to study fer sci u.t

22/10

2008-10-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

its been long since i last updated this stupid blog of mine.
well i write in this blog when i cant stand wif wats happening wif me now.
i cant talk it our loud so beta typing den saying yah.

this is so bothering everything.
im being the old time me again.
the one who left & hurt me alot.
im feel that im becoming that gurl again
but not as worst as before

for now, loving jeredi alot
but the msg that u gave hurt me alot dear
but as u could hear my tone of my voice, it was ok rite?
actualli i wasnt
i was on the verge to break down
pretending & im acting
thats was all tt i could describe of yest's
Went to work
& it was disastrous.
surprisingly, i cried before starting work
i culdnt stand the feeling animore
how can i not worry?
besties say tt your feelings are fading away
how i hope it isnt true
but i noe it is.
all i need was someone that is there fer me alwaes
i just hope tt ure the one
this might sound so disgusting and emotional
but who cares, these are my feelings.
yest, waited fer ur gd nite msg but u didnt
& again, i slept wif a fully filled heavy heart.
& again, im trying to run away now
& again, i think that being missing fer a while would be the best
i love u jeredi.

my strength

2008-04-13T00:42:00.000+08:00

u alwaes ask me why i love eu dat much?

so i guess tis is the ans

i love eu bcause tis heart says that Mr right has come

i love eu bcause u put a smile on my face without fail

i love eu bcause i noe u can be a good husband to me one day

i love eu bcause whenever i close my eyes, ill picture u in my head

i love eu bcause god sent u to me to make my life happier then before

i love eu bcause now without u, i cant live.

i love eu bcause ive made u my everyting

yurp. tts how i feel. i never regretted meeting u. u make my everyday.

but plz. dun ever leave me.ure my strength now. and without eu. i dun have my strength. i cant survive dearie.

but now im totalli confuse.one side people are telling me that u neva did love me.and one side ure telling me that it takes time to develop love.and another side ure telling me that u love me more den myself.it makes me insane tinking of all tis stuff.i said it before that if ure tt ordinary guy whom i just wanna play wif. da lama i walk off of ur life. but u aint tt ordinary guy in my life. i love you alot. Alot more than myself.

i put my ego down. i inherit patience in myself more den ever.just bcause of the fact i dun wanna loose eu. dammit! i wish u love me like i do. but asl smpi skrg u blom sound i stead klau u btol2 syg i? i pn sendiri tk phm.ire jeles wen i flirt arnd. but why till now u dun make me urs?shiitt men. ocnfuse.u said tt u dun understand me sumtimes. i guess i feel the same way too..i mean. i dun understand u at all..just pray to god that all of tis will end up to a good conclusion.adios bloggy.

is he mr right?

2008-03-19T02:36:00.000+08:00

and hell yeah,im in love with king.jubo!my everyting sia dat one.but will it last?i myself aint sure bout it. king said tt my ego besar. maybe tts kinda true. i love md syahren ok! btw tis lyrics its the storie of me of king.MACAM jer.

Ku tak tahu mengapa
Tiba-tiba sahaja
Di dalam hati ini sering rindu padamu
Ingin kumeluahkan, tak berdaya

Ku tahu engkau jua
Sangat sayang padaku
Kaupun sering merindu
Bila tidak bertemu ternyata kau dan aku
Punya rasa...

Kau dan aku sudah ditakdirkan bertemu
Dan tiba-tiba kita jatuh cinta
Ini semua sudah suratan ilahi
Dan kita harus tabah hadapi kenyataan

Biar... apapun terjadi
Aku... harap engkau tabah...
Menerimaku sebagai teman barumu
Semoga kita saling sayang, bahagia...
Usahlah engkau pergi
Semadi di hatiku
Masih menyayangimu, oh sayangku...
Bila sehari tak jumpa, aku rindu...

ok go.and tis is king's fav songs

Liza Hanim

Getaran Cinta

Di Jiwa Di hatiku cinta berbunga
Dan rinduku seharum bunga
Setiap detik kini nyata
Hanyalah dirimu sayang

Namun jauh di sudut hati
Mungkinkah kau daku miliki
Tak sanggup aku bersendiri lagi
Kehilanganmu oh! kasih
Tak sanggupku menghadapi
Tuhan sesungguhnya
Kau lebih mengerti

Pedih... menyaksikan dikau dan dia
Pilu... airmata kasih mengalir di pipi
Hampa... impianku luka berdarah
Mana harusku bawa hati yang kecewa
Tak sanggup kehilanganmu
Walau itu hanya dalam mimpiku
Dengarkanlah oh sayang bicaraku
Sesungguhnya ku menyintaimu

Ku luahkan perasaanku
Yang terpendam di dalam kalbu
Ku tulis lagu
Dengarkanlah getaran cinta di jiwa

Seandainya dikau mengerti
Katakanlah pada diriku
Siapakah yang ada di hatimu
Telah sekian lamanya
Kau bertakhta dalam jiwa
Setiap ketika rinduku untukmu

MOHAMAD SYAHREN BIN MOHAMAD OSMAN

2008-03-13T01:45:00.000+08:00

(so syahren told me it was dress to impress day.RP.)
(future huband precious ring.actualli not a ring uh.but he uses it in every basis.)

As time flows by, tis feeling of mine gets more & more deeper. i couldnt tink of anyone else except fer king. and yarh i aint a FANATIC of king okae.im just too in love with him.kk.last sundae, which is on 8 of march.i paitao keje uh. den went to bull's sis wedding.den i dint noe tt swensen prngi.sundal tol..kk. im mad with dem.the whom i dun prefer to tok bout to.cb.which lead onie 2 werkin daes fer tis week.ah.i dun care.

due to stress, i decided to torn with king and some of ours fwenz.ask permission frem sis and yeah, she said yes.but in return king nid to take care of me lor.:D:D..had great fun.dey smoke and drank absolute vodka and red bull..yea i drank too.but onie red bull eh.good gal okae.haha. i had great fun la wif dem.seriuz. spending time wif ur loved one till 8 am.who doesnt appreciate the time.but all gd tings cum to an end.it was so hard to leave.memories and memories.

so arnd 9 am in the morning.i drag king to come my house.kater jer lapar.abeh bile da beli mee siam tk tahu nk makan. jubo and bahalol nyer anak..haha..bahalol2 pon.syg jugak siol..katerkan lah.future husband..n as usual.king jadi bahan kekek uh kat uma.haha.BULLY time.. tu lah u..suke bully i kan.. haha.revenge..it was enjoyzing..heh..

so yest..rini told me tis two tings bout syahren.

1)syahren klau syg org tu, dia cnfm syg, so dun worri,i was like, i hope so uh.tanyer king pn.he sae its true.but, i dunno la

2)king was a playboy. but dis one lucky bitch changed her lor.stoopid.of course jeles uh.psl im nt tt gal hu changed his prngi.i told him tt im fcukin jeles..and he knew why.so tk yah explain kan..

rini blanje me tis ring worth 15 bucks.wif free engraving.i wanted to crave in king space hanie.but it wuldnt be nice.so i decided to put it in tis wae.syahren space shafawani.haha..swii per..s & s.jubo uh u.

now it like 2 :10 pm.thursdae.15 march. still waitin fer him yo ko.tapi tk kol2.kepale jubret peh anak.ai sey MAN!!

dear king,

u noe seriuzly speaking, i noe im nt tt beautiful to go wif u.i mean u have the looks lah..duh!but i dunt.so knaper tersangkut??i pon heran sak u..heran giler nyer.i dunt expect u to tersangkut.psl u can find gals who r beta den me.who can cook.tk pemlz.and muke tk pecah.haiya2.k bottomline is. i love you mohamad syahren. now, till the day i die.ill promise to love eu and no one else.unless u leave me.ill be alone.wif no hopes.so plz..dn u ever go okae dear.im purely weak wthout u by my side.im notin without u. cause u have become my life.maybe u wont die fer me if i were to go. i dun even tink i mean someting in ur life. or r u just playing eif me heart.r u just tt old playboy?tons n tons of qs appear in my mind.but im speechless.i myself, dunno how to ans it.

WAITING-LIST

:photo of us taken in my house.i hope its nice.

so tt i enlarge the size.and put it in my bedroom.

:D:D

-syahfawani-

king

2008-03-01T17:48:00.000+08:00

and hell yeah.i jusr dun wan anibody else except fer king. i have many crushes whom i claim as love. but now den i noe how true love feels.dammit.i onie waanna marry mohamad syahren bin osman okie.no one else.his my darling.and todae pagi2.he went to clubbing lah.i dun expect him to msg me.but he did.rindu la tu si bahaol tu.

and his lasy msg was.

u, honestly speaking, im a bad boy..but i don noe y im stuck wif u.u nyer dunia laen dari i tau. tapi how i dun noe y?u baek tapi i nie rabak.

dear king,

i can accept u fer whatever you are.mcm mane u jahat sekalipon.i cant turn back.ive taken the risk to make u everytin. and if u go, i have notin in my life.NOTHING.i noe do stupid stuffs which i myself find it foolish. but everyone can change. and i believe in that okae. it makes me cry reading ur msg all over again.tak pernah terlintas dlm fikiran i to let u go.u have stolen my heart okie dear. and plz.dun return it back to me. cause its urs. u noe.fer the ferst time.ure the ferst guy whom i wanna marry wif. i wanna spent my eternity wif.the one i wanna speak to till the dae i die.ive fallen hard to the ground, and i neva wanna stand up again. cause im urs.im just urs. i syg u la sial. seriuzli.

.ferst true love.

2008-02-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

ok go.haha.its his werd.kk.fine. ive forgotten bout the past since he came into my life.and i dun wanna spent time wif anione but him.yurp. maybe i just noe him but i myself dunno why i sayang him tt much. until i cried when it was 10 plus2. i dun wanna loose him. anibody except fer him and my family. its a no2 way. my KING. his my life.kk. full de name ok babey. mohamad syahren bin osman. yea.gosh.he met my family and guess wat.he's the FERST guy hu my enitre family met.and like duh!! my mum n sis like him alot. i tink if i were to get marries to him. no objections babe..conferm 100% setuju nyer..haha.JOKING.tis bahalol of mine doesnt noe how mush he mean to me now.like 3/4 of my life la seii.. and me, the bahalol of his, just dunt noe his deep down inside feelings. dammmit! dun rush tings wani.go wif the flow babe. i dun expect too much. i mean i dun expect anitin.i kan muke pecah king.. tk lawa.baholol.kurang ajar.semua.saper nak i kan shiit.haha.dammit la.influence to maki onie.smpi kene sound dgn mama. his the greatest tt happen to me fer the past 16 yrs.. and NO! i dun wan to loose him like how sumbody walk out of my life wthout saying anitin.. kimek..aku syg dia sia. aku pon tk tau asl.. urgh..diam2 jer lah wani. kau je tau..dgn aisya dgn saf jer tau..lain tk tau takper..

MUHD FADLI JOHAR

2008-02-08T01:30:00.000+08:00

damn la. i miss fadli too.sheesh. dear, i just hope one day u will accept the fact that malay gals are much beta den chinese. and one day i noe u'll definitely marry a MALAY GAL! its either me or sum typical minah-ish gal. just wait and see ok dear?well, i miss u like one fcuking shiit. but i noe. u wunt even want to hear my name or even see my face. AND i can sae.since i was sec 1, he is and stil my perfect one. the real fadli is one hell of a guy hu doesnt have his limits. mcm sialan maner. doesnt care bout other ppl's feelings and SEEK FER REVENGE. tts fadli i noe. tts fadli is. and he hasnt change fer a single tiny wini bit.but dear, i miss you la.

MUHD FAZLI

2008-02-04T02:04:00.000+08:00

ferst and formost, im not in love wif zulfiqar.maybe it was a little crush.* he belongs to ifah.so i let him go.hes not fer me.thats all.

now, i still love fadli sia.no matter wad.hes still in here somewhere.and tinking of fadli, i remembered fazli the most without failing. i left fadli just to be wif fazli.and wheres fazli now. hes not even caring or contacting me. one werd.ure useless!!get it??but i still miss eu. URE A LIAR!!U SAID U DIDNT DRINK.AND WHEN I SAW THE BOTTLE THAT U HOLD.IT WAS AN ALCOHOL DRINK.SIAL UH.IM FCUKIN DISAPPOINTED.u said u will neva drink.and wat now?? u noe wat. i shldnt let fadli go.i shldnt tell him i love eu and onie eu. cause now, i tink fadli is beta den u. u didnt take care of me fazli.u didnt care bout my feelings.u didnt love me the way i did. u didnt even bother to try and confess ur feelings towerds ne, im ashamed of u. and lookin at amirul's profile. i saw not onie the alcohol drink but the uni u wore. and i remembered how we use to joke arnd during skul time. i miss those days. n u dunno how fcukinli i miss you rite.hu didnt react upon heating how much i missed u.safiah told u. and i knew u care but u just dun show it to her,.if nt u wuldnt have ask wen i said dat i miss u rite.after safiah told me tt he tinks that most likelifazli has a new gal un his life, i felt reeli down. and i told safiah tis.GO AHEAD FAZLI, I DUNT CARE. BUT U CANT FIND A GAL BETA DEN ME.and laugh along wif safiah.. no one can stand u like i do okae. its about 1 yr ive waited and not even once u ask me out on a date.DAMN U!i have feelings too ok.since im out of siglap. i tink u can do wateva u want.cause ill be a burden if i kept on worrying bout u rite mohd fazli bin abdul razak??darn. ure just useless la.but i still miss u siak.dun u noe.evridae i waited fer u to msg me, and wen the phone vibrates, i juz hope it was u. but it wasnt.haiya.i miss u fazli. i reeli do.